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Created Monday 9 March 2026
Not much just... Thinking on things.
Someone mentioned something in a server i'm in.
And it made me stop and think for a minute.
Not any new thoughts, just resurfacing...
copy pasted
i don't know what romantic attraction even is, honestly
i don't know if i feel it, or if i don't
if its any different from just being good friends to me
its hard to understand or know anything at all
its hard to tell if where i am right now, if i'm just repressing or ignoring things so severely i can't tell
or if my friendships right now are just everything that i thought i wanted out of romance, that i'm somewhere that i dont need more
new
i don't know. i really don't
but there's a solid chance, that any time i am wanting more, its just because i'm unfilfilled with what i have.
that what is happening in my life isn't enough
and its an excuse to try for more.
because often i don't think about it, often i'm fine
but sometimes i miss things
but what is it that i'd even want out of that?
there's nothing exceptional, nothing that i can't have now.
there's plenty that i DONT have now, but that doesn't mean i can't.
its posed often in culture as something it isn't
and i think that's poisoned me
i want to love, i want to experience joy, i want to tell people "i love you"
i want to share things, hear people speak, hold eachother, open up emotionally far more than i'm comfortable doing
but thats something that i'm starting to get.
#myfriends
its nice. it really is.
the conception of what love and romance are... i think it does a lot of harm.
its posed as the position from which you open up, from which you do a lot of things
and i think thats why it existed for me
it became a wall. a symbol. something that i didn't have.
it was what i lacked.
but what i lacked wasn't that. it was talking with my friends, it was the courage to be open and honest, to be cringe, to be free
i don't know if i can love romantically. i don't know what that would mean, or if its even real for me.
but that ok. i don't need to know.
