2023
Created Friday 9 January 2023 (at 2am lol)
People often make new years resolutions. But the usual way it happens is bad.
Seeking major change and setting your sights there from the start makes you discouraged.
You make a goal, you don't make a plan. And it feels helpless.
To prevent this, my goals are all minor and vague.
Major changes are unlikely to happen, taking steps is much more reasonable to do.
The vagueness makes them less rigid. Its harder to fail and easier to find ways to fit it into anything, so I can always be working on it.
So here's a list of my aspirations.
Get gayer
Triangles
Write
Power
Games
Get gayer
I think this is self explanatory.
I like girls (one in particular :3) and I think that leaning into this would be good.
Having not expressed this aspect of myself for nearly all of my fucking life, i've gotta make up for lost time.
Also when I say "I like girls" that's not an exclusive list, I think I could like anyone a lot, its just that right now I'm in girls mode.
Write
This
Getting thoughts out is good. Materializing the void inhabiting my skull into something tangible helps me to understand what's going on in there.
Makes me HAVE to understand what's going on in there. When just thinking, its easy to miss where the holes are, to not find the flaws.
But on paper, I can't ignore it. Here, I have to confront the gaps in my reality and find something to fill them.
Also, This refers to GAMING. Tabletop stuff. I have an idea for a town and dear god is it gonna have some SHIT in it.
Also THE CITY OF ONE should happen at some point, but that's a LOT of writing.
Power
This body is a cage, it holds me back.
Strength brings freedom.
It give you more energy, it heals the mind, it makes you able to go further, do more things.
Things you never could have done before.
I will train, I will walk, I will run, I will jump around.
I will become powerful, so I can be free.
Games
Haven't been playing them much.
But they're fun, so I should.
Frost Faustings is soon so I've gotta grind.
TTRPG stuff is also fun that's games, gotta do stuff around that.
But also making games (of the video variety).
I know how to code, I know how to art, I could do something and have wanted to.
Maybe its time to do a little bit, at least some tests?
Triangles
The vaguest one.
I'm soft. Triangles are sharp.
Become more pointed and punchy, find the words, hit harder, draw blood (metaphorical).
Pierce through to the core of what I believe and feel.
Hit emotions, be accurate and strike at the soul.
Appologize less, be more confident. What's the point of a sword if you're too afraid to use it?
This isn't meant to say to attack, to hurt.
This is about ME and mostly interal change.
I want to FEEL and I want to impart that onto others, but to do that I need to hit myself HARD.
I can't afford to be afraid.
I can't afford to be ashamed.
I must fight unapologetically to create something that I love.
So yeah that's the general ideas for the year I guess?
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